Monday, November 26, 2007

For Marital Couples - Stop Being Selfish!

image by enimal, stock.Xchng


Marriage Is A Two-Way Street


If you belong to the happily/unhappily married tribe, just sit back and tick on the thoughts that cross your mind, from the list below of marriage-related messages that marriage counselors get as the cause of the problems for their senders:

- My spouse has lost his / her libido. He/she is a flop in bed. He / she is not interested in sex anymore.
- I no longer find him / her attractive. I am not aroused by him / her.
- He / she has gained a lot of weight and I found ourselves an incongruous pair - thoroughly incompatible in bed or out of it.
- He / she had {some medical problem}, and ever since, spends most of his / her time groaning in pain. Ever since, I am having to take good care of him / her, from my own earnings. I now completely support her, so the relationship is a drain on my account. He / she has stopped earning because of the illness, of course.
- My marriage sucks. If I had known things would shape up as they have today, I would have run away from the marriage ceremony!

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The marriage sucks. It sucks because the spouse who was very functional, very attractive and very charming on the wedding day has now become, uh, dysfunctional and unattractive and ugly. Either his / her sex organ is not in the same tip-top condition it was on the honeymoon night, or his / her rest-of-the-body has developed defects, making him / her now a liability.

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I don't suggest them to go recall the marriage vows. But I definitely suggest that they shed some of their selfishness. The spouse is not just another "utility item" in the household with an expiry date stamped on it. Once it starts sputtering and stuttering, you start looking for substitutes. Or take on that sacrificial look.

image by Jelena_J, Flickr


The spouse is not any business transaction, which you approach with a "What's In It For Me?" attitude. So there are exit clauses when the other party "defaults" or "fails to deliver" or whatever.

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I suggest them to put themselves in the "dysfunctional" spouse's shoes. And for a brief moment, visualize that they are facing the problem that the spouse is facing. And now visualize how they would like to be treated by the spouse. "Whatsoever thou wouldst that men should not do unto thee, do not do unto them." If there is any classic example where this "ultimate moral principle" is applicable, it is conjugal relationship.

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When the spouse is in some bad shape, what they want is your understanding and love and affection. Not your continuous low-intensity scorn and taunt and whatever torture you give them, intentionally or unintentionally.

image by sandnes, stock.Xchng


Don't dump the spouse because he / she is not useful any more. Remember, you too could be in the same / worse shape a few years down the road, who knows!

image by Jelena_J, Flickr.Com

[For a different take on the subject of conjugal relationships, surf to "What If - The Fisherman Does Not Discover The Ring".]

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